My husband and I are first generation ranchers building our dreams from scratch. The ingredients to building a ranch from scratch consist of hard work, patience, prayers, help from a few good friends, and tips from those who have come before us. I am now six years deep into this ranching dream, and I feel obliged to share some tips with other newly pronounced “ranch wives” so maybe they can skip the learning curve and get right to the good stuff!

1.     Know Your Value

•        Often women on the ranch are labeled “Ranch Wives” even though it is often the “Ranch Wife” that is feeding cattle, calving out cows, putting up hay, fencing, doctoring, and branding right alongside their husband… however, I have never heard the term “Ranch Husband”. Kinda funny how that works huh?  Ladies, I’m here to tell you that you likely aren’t “Just a Ranch Wife” … you are a RANCHER. Be proud of that. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than the hardworking, backbone of America that you are. Having this level of pride in your work will reflect in the success of your operation. When rancher couples work as a team, build their dreams together, and share equal pride and value in the operation, success blooms.

2.     Learn to Work Together

•        It took us time to master this skill, and it is a lot easier said than done. So if you are still in the cow working stage that resembles more of a mountain lion brawl, let me tell you that there is still hope!
  There is a saying in the ranch world that goes something like: “Working cows together is the best form of marriage counseling; if you can make it through that, you can make it through anything!” While this holds a lot of truth, it is a sad truth. And working cattle does not have to be a fight. Learn to communicate and forgive. Never let the job at hand be “more important” than your partner. The job WILL get done but the hurtful feelings from angry words will last much longer. Ranching SHOULD be fun. Yes this lifestyle is often hard, frustrating, and even painful, but it is YOUR life. The most important thing you can do is to take control of your perspective on situations, see the bigger picture, and have fun! Have fun with your spouse while living this blessed lifestyle. Learn to laugh at the things you can’t control and not stress about the small stuff. Your kids are watching what you do and learning to either love the ranching lifestyle or hate it. Make ranching fun again!     

3.     Listen Closely; Ask Questions

•        Communication is key in all aspects of ranching. It’s not uncommon for my hubby to say “Go open that green gate over there and push that black cow that way” in a feedlot full of green gates and black cows. In the beginning I was nervous because I felt like I should somehow know exactly what he meant. And I would move the wrong black cow, through the wrong green gate, in all the wrong directions. LEARN TO ASK QUESTIONS! In doing so, your husband starts to see his own communication errors. We often talk about how useful adjectives and details are. It’s a work in progress, but I at least know now that asking questions is not a sign of incompetency and it saves everyone time and frustration. It is helpful for me to practice active listening and repeat back to him what he asked of me. I may rephrase the request saying “So you need me to move Cow #308 through the green gate at the back of the pen to the east. Correct?” Sounds silly... but it’s quite helpful!

4.     Be Flexible/Always Have a Change of Clothes

•        What you should know about me is that I grew up in Amarillo, TX and enjoyed a southern belle lifestyle. It was not uncommon for me to wear high heels or dresses multiple times a week. The transition into rural North Dakota as a first-generation rancher was bumpy. It never failed that the day I chose to dress up for work, curl my hair and work hard on my makeup is the day that I’d get that before work “cows are out call” or the “please go check that water tank call”. And there I would be in heels and a dress tromping through mud to fix an overflowing tank or ruining my curls while chasing down fence-crawlers on the four-wheeler.
  Always be ready to be flexible and know that your worth is greater than your outward appearance. And most importantly always have a change of clothes and maybe some snacks too. Your plans may be to go to church in the morning, but there are no guarantees that you won’t end up in a cow pasture or running errands many towns away and not make it back home until dark. It just happens. If you are leaving the house, pack a bag and be ready for ANYTHING. Ranch life is unpredictable, especially if you have ranching friends that call on you too.

5.     Don’t Take it Personally

•        Ranching is stressful, unpredictable, and often fast paced. It is the breeding ground for more than cows but also for lots of stress. Don’t let the stress get you down or cause you to lash out at your partner. And be ready to forgive if your partner is stressed as well. You are in this together. Work through the trials and tribulations together. No one person must shoulder the burdens alone. This lifestyle takes an immense amount of understanding, empathy, and patience. Develop a relationship with God and lean on him in all things.

6.     Have Some Grit and Learn

•        You are way tougher and more capable than you even know yet. Be open to learn to do everything you can possibly do. Learn to drive the tractor, to rope and ride, to hop in the swather to go haying, and to pull calves. One day you will be alone when something needs to be done and you will be glad you learned. It is so satisfying to grow your capabilities and to contribute firsthand to the operation.  Remember, you are both working to build a dream together. Embrace these opportunities of growth!

7.     Don’t Get too Attached to Plans

•        Have I mentioned that ranching is unpredictable? The livestock we cherish so much depend on us. And as a ranching community, we have each other’s’ backs. At any given moment we, or any number of our neighbors, may be in a predicament and need a helping hand. Blizzards, escaped cattle, fences down, sick cattle, calving, wildfires, broke down equipment or any number of reasons may cause us to drop everything and tackle the project at hand. It is fact of ranch life. Be flexible and free to help when needed.

8.     Learn to Budget and Bookkeep

•        Learn to save money where you can and know where every dollar is spent. Ranching is not a “get rich quick” scheme. Learning to budget, invest, follow up with government programs, banking, risk management, and bookkeeping is just as important as the feeding and livestock handling. Ranching is a business as much as it is a lifestyle. Learning these skills a vital way to contribute to the operation.

9.     Build Your Community

•        Connect with other ranch families and organizations around you. It’s easy to feel alone in this rural lifestyle. But tackling ranching alone, leaves you stagnant. You need a community to connect with and grow ideas with. We are blessed in our agricultural community to have close friends whom we can call on to help us and we gladly help them in return. Trading labor is a more valuable commodity than money itself for beginning ranchers. Find other’s who share the same values and goals as you and cheer them on. You will often find that support to be reciprocated.
  Get connected with agricultural groups in your area. This is where ideas can be spread, and your network expands. If you aren’t growing and learning, then your operation is dying.

10.  Don’t Worry About What Other’s Think

•        Many will not understand your lifestyle, and that’s okay. There is so much to be said for ranching beyond what words can describe. Yes, you work ALL THE TIME, but what many don’t understand is that you enjoy this work. Seeing new life come and go with all the seasons is a reward beyond monetary value. Not many people have the opportunity to experience true peace in an unpopulated landscape. To raise children in a place where they still feel safe from the outside crazy world and learn to work hard and respect others. To watch the fruits of your labor grow from baby calves into heifers and later join your cowherd and be known by name (or number). Ranchers may not be rich (unless your last name is Dutton), but we are rich in virtues and experiences. And I wouldn’t trade that for any other lifestyle in the world.

I’d like to leave you with a prayer we say in our local church that I think applies directly to ranch life:

Lord God, we acknowledge you alone as the source of every good gift and the mystery of each human life. We praise you and we thank you for your great power, your faithfulness, and your loving care.

Everything we have is your gift, help us to realize that it is not worldly success or riches that gives meaning to life. Rather it is services given to you and our neighbor that brings fulfillment, which makes our lives worthwhile.

May the offering of our time, talent, and material resources be made in the same spirit of Jesus Christ. May it help to build up God’s kingdom among us, true freedom, and bear generous fruit with eternal reward.

We ask this through Christ our Lord, Amen.

Good luck lady ranchers! You got this!

Sincerely,

Sheridan Visser